Poop. Cow poop, goat poop, dog poop, and sometimes man poop.

So our first impressions of Varanasi? Too much poop. It was grotesque, and not exactly what we wanted to wade through as we wandered through tiny slummy alleyways looking for our guesthouse. Of course our rickshaw ripped us off and then dropped us in the wrong part of town, but a friendly local led us through the cremation ghats and copious wood piles to our guesthouse, for a small fee. We breakfasted on the rooftop of the Ganpati Guesthouse while we waited for our room to be ready. We took a wander along the ghats after checking in, avoiding the oppressive touts and attempting to find the peace and serenity that we had heard was found in Varanasi. We found none, and decided to duck in for some lunch at a tiny cafe whose tagline was "Yes, we ARE less dirty". Nice. Awesome cheap food, however, and then we headed back out. Too many beggars grabbing our arms and clothes- we can't help everyone, and sometimes you regret helping the ones you do, but more on that later.

We found our way back to our part of town, where I got a pedicure and I think insulted the ladies when I told them which color to paint my toes- painting is apparently not part of the process here. We headed back to the guesthouse to nap the hottest part of the day away, then had dinner on the rooftop and climbed into bed again.

The following day we planned on going on a sunrise boat tour of the Ganges, but we were hot and tired and in no mood when we woke up. We peeked out the windows and could only see the burning ghats in action, and decided that we were probably not invited to see these cremations and were quite content that we had only seen 1 dead body in India, and that was under a sheet. No need to push our luck, and besides, everything else was pitch black. We went back to sleep, and a few hours later checked out of the hotel, left our bags there, and went in search of grub. We found organic heaven at the Brown Bread Bakery, with yummy baked goods and lots of CHEESE!!!! We were far too discouraged to walk around and be poked and prodded and asked for cash or to see each and every shop along the way, so we lounged and read in the lovely courtyard of our hotel until it was time to head to the train station for our very long journey to Kolkata.

We boarded, and found that a large family without tickets had decided to make our berth home. I clearly could not fit on the 3 person bench with 5 other people, so I climbed up on to the top bunk and slumbered away. Oli was content for the most part with cuddling the locals, until someone decided to lower the middle bunk, leaving him hunched over AND cuddling on the far too narrow bench. He hopped on to the top bunk on his side and relaxed until someone kicked him off. The Indian family was still huddling on Oli's assigned bed/bench, so he curled up in a ball and snapped at every inquiry I had. Finally, 6 hours into the ride when most of the passengers had gone to sleep and Oli was still folded up like origami, I climbed down and had a word with the husband, explaining in hand motions that it was Oli's bunk and they should move so he could sleep. They agreed in Hindi, I think, and had a little family meeting. The family got off at the next stop and left him to stretch out in peace. I cuddled in and slept as well as possible with people grabbing my feet and staring at me, and with the lights being turned on at every stop. Quite possibly the worst journey yet.

We arrived in Kolkata at 7:30 am, and had great difficulty finding a rickshaw who wasn't going to completely and laughably rip us off, so we settled for a shared cab to the Sunflower Guest House. We decided to splurge for the next few days, as Lonely Planet had made the place out to be heaven in India. We were told no rooms would be available for the next 45 minutes, so they ushered us to a waiting room to wait it out. I showered quickly, and when I was putting my things back into my bag, which was resting on the couch, I saw 2 pinky-nail sized bugs. Laughing, I said to Oli "ohhh look, icky bugs, they look like bedbugs! couldn't be though.." But oh yes, they were. And there were plenty more where they came from. Oli and I flicked tons of bugs off the outside of my bag, finding none on the inside, and a few on Oli's bag. And more on Oli's back... and legs... and chest. There was an infestation going on. Was it the train? The trunk of the grotty cab? Or.. the couch?! There were bugs all over the couch, climbing up and down and in and out, and when we lifted the cushions, we saw dead ones, live ones, big ones, and a nest of baby ones. Holy cow, this was bad. We quickly gathered our things, lodged a complaint, and got the heck outta there. We walked to Sudder Street and were harassed again by won't-take-no-for-an-answer touts until we checked out a few places and finally settled on the Times Guesthouse. Nice, and a quarter of the price of the bedbug castle.

We grabbed a lovely large breakfast at Fresh 'n' Juicy, then wandered around the New Market area, once again the subject of more harassment. There was a sad looking woman carrying around a sad looking baby with an empty bottle and she was begging for milk, not money. In a moment of weakness I bough her some instant milk, a large portion and quite expensive comparatively to what you can buy in India. Oli made a funny funny joke about how she didn't want money, she just wanted milk so she could hawk it to some passerby and keep the cash. I scolded him for his negativity, and not 5 minutes later, we passed her hawking the milk to man at a stall. I was livid. First of all, she wouldn't get half the price that I had JUST PAID FOR IT, and her kid looked hungry as hell. Feed the kid! And don't lie and get caught! I shook my head at her and carried on. Ohhhhhhh I think we are ready for our island vacation. We shopped a bit, napped a bit, found a BEER GARDEN - Thanks Whit!! We had a late dinner and then off to bed.

Today we slept in, then went for a lunch of Kati Rolls- quite frankly the best thing, EVER. A specialty of Kolkata, it is a paratha, often with egg coating in one side, and filled with red onion, chili pepper, and your choice of veg, mutton, chicken, or paneer, then rolled up in a bit of paper and taken to go, all for the equivalent of $0.35. Yum yum yum. We ventured through the Maiden park, apparently the rival of Central Park in NYC, and watched the horses eating dead grass, and garbage floating by in the hot wind. Not exactly the equivalent of the Central Park that I remember, but we have been away from home for a long time. We tried to go to the mall, but it was closed. We tried to go to the Indian National museum, it was closed. We passed the same beggar woman who apparently had forgotten us, and came up begging for milk, not money. I told her she was a liar and a bad mother. Probably a bit harsh, but geeze. Sweating profusely and tired, we headed to the cool sanctuary of the internet cafe, and here we are. Tomorrow we depart for a week of heavenly diving in the Andaman Islands, off of Havelock. We will lounge on clean beaches, eat fresh local food, and hike over to the most beautiful beach in Asia according to Time Magazine. We are seriously looking forward to it.



More soon lovelies!